Nicole vs. Life
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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