apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
