I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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