your parents love me but you hate me
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
