I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
