Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i dont even know how to be here
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
