Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
