why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
