Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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