Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
