Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
