Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
