just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The Olympian is in my bed
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