Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
