member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
