Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
