Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
