It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
