why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
