My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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