conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
