Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
