I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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