I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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