My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
