What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
