So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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