I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
