the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
