I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
