im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
