Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
