Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My vagina is officially offended.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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