Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
