he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
