So drunk, too bad you don't want this
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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