do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
