I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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