I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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