The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
