No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
