OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i think i just lost a toe
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
