I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
