i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
