Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You are a genius and a whore.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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