Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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