I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
