Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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