no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
