I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
