Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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