They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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